I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
