He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
