I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
