I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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