Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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