i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
