I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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