Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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