there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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