great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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