I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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