Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
worst night to have a conscience
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize