I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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