Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
