WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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