I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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