Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
