Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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