Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize