Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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