God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
