Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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