The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
