You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
