Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
