I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
