I just made out with a guy for $7.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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