Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
