# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
