If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
