ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
