I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
