I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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