I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
