Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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