Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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