you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
