So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
