i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
