how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
