Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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