i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
