I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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