made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
