The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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