I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
