Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
