direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
