What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
