It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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