from now on my penis is your penis
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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