Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
