I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
