Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize