I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
