no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
