i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
