Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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