Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
