I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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