Umm I'm too high to move.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
