we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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