Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found puke in my bra..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
