oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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